A big shout out to those teenagers who egged my house for the third time this year. Super stoked that the eggs hit my bedroom window and woke me up at 2:40 am! This gave me the opportunity to test my sure-fire technique to rapidly fall asleep after unexpectedly waking at night. Based on this real-life example, I’m nearly done with the first chapter of my rapid sleep book that I plan to market to parents of newborns. Buoyed by my prediction of personal success, I’ve boldly asked a publisher to sign me onto a $10,000 advance.
Amazingly my Facebook post describing the best method to remove eggs from window screens got over a hundred likes and 20 hearts. When I combined hot water, a soft bristle brush, laundry detergent, a snow bank, and a dash of elbow grease the screens were as good as new! I also posted the clean-up video on YouTube. I am anticipating this will go viral putting me one step closer to my dream of monetizing my site.
Truly grateful that the teenage eggers have lousy aim. Fewer than one third of the three dozen eggs hit the house. As a result, my Kickstarter fund for a Udemy master class on proper egging techniques has really taken off. With the twenty dollars I have so far as seed money, I am well on my way to achieving my goal of producing a five-part certificate course on Udemy. Once the money starts rolling in I’ll use the profits to develop a popular TED talk about my experience. Then it’ll be time to build up my frequent flier miles while making it big on the speaker circuit.
My dog also appreciated the eggs that missed the house. He’d grown a bit tired of his dried dog food and he thoroughly enjoyed supplementing his bland diet with an unexpected bounty of albumin and complex yolk proteins. There must have been something in those eggs because the vet downgraded his canine malaise from level IV to level I. He will now visually follow the path of my thrown frisbee and wag his tail vigorously when I retrieve it for him. How cool is that?
Major props to these wonderful teenage eggers for their tireless efforts to transform my life from theprimordial sludge of untapped potential to a world of endless opportunities!
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